Dear 40 Something Self

As I said earlier I have been reading letters that people have been writing to themselves and wanted to do something similar, but here’s a little twist.

Dear 40-Something Kinsley,

I am sitting here thinking about you and of course it is in our nature to worry. I am worried for you. I wonder who you are in life and if you have yet to find your place, because right now I am feeling so very lost that I just want to quit trying. I feel like life is never going to be right and that all my days of trying are never going to pay off. I am sure that somewhere down the line you’ve decided to have kids, but my biggest worry right now is that I am going to be a horrible mom and fail at it too.

I worry that you’ve lost in life and that you’ve let your anxiety take over. I worry that you still feel like the weight of this scary world is crushing you. I hope you have learnt how to control it and that it no longer runs your life like it has been for the last couple of years. If you have let if take over – face up – for he is always there! If you have figured out how to conquor it – how did you do it?

I worry that you aren’t where you imagined I’d be. And often, I worry you are. I worry that you don’t take care of yourself and that you settled. I worry about what you will look like and if my days of fun in the sun have taken effect. I am sorry about that.

Right now I am head over heels in love with Jordan and I pray that you will always fight for that. I pray that you two will always fight for each other and that you will never be able to get enough of one another. We live in a lovely little house, just the three of us – Jordan, myself and little Mr. Monty (who will can always make you laugh).

My heart still doesn’t know which way to go. I still like to decorate, but is it where I am supposed to go? I love to spend time with my friends and family – but that doesn’t earn anyone a living. What have you chosen? Do you feel complete? How did you find your way? I pray that you still love to paint – if you haven’t done it in a while – pick up that brush, it does magic in your heart. How has running been going? You used to love it and get a rush from all that disgusting sweating. I just got back from an amazing cruise with all my family – have you been traveling much?

I wish I could just know how everything turns out so I could stop worrying. I should just learn how to stop worrying without knowing the future.

I am 26 right now and my family and friends are the best – they make my world go round and they make life so amazing. How are they doing? I wish that I could see my letter that my 40 something self wrote to my 20 something self and that it would read something like this…

“Kinsley, you look amazing – stop being so self conscious. You life turned out so well, so you can stop worrying. Don’t forget that there is more to life than trying to keep everyone safe, including yourself. Things with work will work out better than you can imagine and you have the best career in the whole world.
You have the best husband ever! Things work out perfectly maybe not on the timeline you originally planned but trust me, its all worth the wait. He will not be the man you expected but oh, is he the man you need.

I should also mention — you’re going to be a mom. It’ll happen at exactly the right time. You will have a wonderful pregnancy and an easy delivery. Epidurals ROCK. There’s nothing to be afraid of and oh my gosh – wait till you meet your kids. You can’t even imagine the wonder, beauty and magic that they will bring.

Let’s talk about our mom. She’s your best friend. Keep it that way. Forget the petty bulls*** because life is way, way too short.

Thanks for working out – it has paid off and you started taking it seriously at the right time. Also thank for wearing sunscreen – your skin is wrinkle free (Okay maybe that’s taking things too far!)

Just live in the moment if you can – love where you are at each and every moment! You are perfect just the way you are – so stop trying to be someone else – I love you and you’re doing great!”

Well that helped lift my somber mood out of the depths! And it looks like if I don’t worry soo much things will be great!
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